This Fathers Day – Kelly


This Sunday, June 19, 2016, is Fathers Day.

I am.  I’m paralyzed by this day.  I’m not looking forward to it.

We’ve been told the first year is the worst.  It’s no joke.  I keep holding my breath praying to my dog that Sunday won’t come.

How the hell do we do this?  How do I celebrate Fathers Day with Brad, celebrate what an amazing father he is, and not completely annihilate him?  I certainly can’t NOT do anything.

If you know Brad, you know his kids are his world.  They are his everything.

I have no poetic movement in my writing tonight because you know what I’m doing folks? I’m freaking out and I’m staring at this.

This is a trunk he got from an ex-girlfriend.  It’s a lovely trunk.  Shortly after the fire, Brad said he wanted to clean it up and make it his memory trunk for the kids.  This weekend, while we were tidying the office, trying to get things organized, we decided to do the trunk clean up.

So…Brads been collecting things, here and there, and placing them next to the trunk.

  • A fishing pole the kids made out of a stick and rope
  • An Oly Bears sign Maddy made for Ben
  • A note from Sam on Fathers Day (yes, really)
  • Arts & crafts projects
  • Handmade books
  • Random notes from Maddy about friends
  • A few of Bens things (before he stopped talking to Brad)

All the shit most parents throw away.  Brad has every goddamn thing.

He’s also has been collecting the other things.  All the things you gave him.

  • Letters expressing your love and pain
  • Cards written to the kids
  • Pictures & mementos
  • Engraved stones
  • Frames
  • Photo books
  • Drawings from your children to the kids
  • Stuffed animals

I’m thankful he kept so many little pieces of handmade love from the kids.  This trunk is going to be full.  Full of so much love and memories.

And loss.  And could haves.  And hope.

So this year it seems, we will be celebrating Fathers Day by learning how to let go and hold on.  I can’t breathe half the time because I’m holding on so tight I can’t let go of anything in order to make room for all the good coming our way.

So this year…it seems…I ask you for help on this Fathers Day. 

This year, remember how lucky you are to have kids that jump on you to wake you up early on Sunday and make you scorched toast and horrid coffee…know there are some people very close to you who would give anything to have the Sunday you get this weekend.

This Sunday

  • put your phone down
  • turn off the tv
  • get on the floor
  • play on the swings
  • swim with your kids
  • read aloud to each other in goofy voices
  • build a fort in the family room and camp out together
  • get up early and make breakfast with your kids
  • go on a bike ride

This year, I ask you to help give Brad his Fathers Day gift by being present with your family this Sunday.  Maybe send a pic our way or post one and let us know you’re celebrating your family and taking in every moment you have with them.

This Fathers Day I ask you to #MarchForth as connected families in love, despite  your separations, difficulties and differences.

This is the only gift I want to give him this year…

Please repost and share if you’re comfortable.  

Thank you for your support everyone.

One Comment on “This Fathers Day – Kelly

  1. I lost my father quite suddenly 6 years ago at this very time. It was one of the most traumatic and devastating times of my life. The very next Father’s Day, I went to a favorite place of his, Wight’s Nursery, and bought a Peace rose. I put it in a whiskey barrel planter. It’s had a few good years, a scraggly one and is now a strong beautiful rose bush. I can see it out of my kitchen window daily.

    Liked by 1 person

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